THE PEOPLE’S TALK
BY PRECIOUS NELSON ESATE
I recently saw a podcast clip on Facebook featuring two guests and a host seated in a circle, discussing whether men should ‘pay’ for intercourse, especially when they are not dating the woman. One guest opposed, questioning why he should pay for an activity his partner would also enjoy. The other guest, however, believed that men should, in fact, pay for sex, because at the end of the day, whatever consequences erupt from their actions, the universe has made it so that women are the ones to shoulder the majority of it. He went on to further explain how women have to rely on contraceptives, which is detrimental to their health, because men refuse to do something as simple as wear a condom. Which leads us to the question: why is it that, in a world full of modern contraception methods, men continue to stylishly dodge responsibility, leaving women to bear the entire burden of birth control alone?
This conversation was not recently created. Since the inception of contraception, women have been expected to make unending sacrifices for the sake of birth control. Hormonal IUDs, pills, injections, implants—you name it. And all these methods come with their prices, ranging from mood swings, nausea, change in libido, fatigue, acne, headaches, weight gain, sore breasts, to long-term infertility, pelvic infections, spotting between periods, or irregular bleeding and periods. However, irrespective of the risks involved, it is still very common for men to demand that women take responsibility for contraception, while absolving themselves of any direct involvement. Which is quite ironic, because how is it that the same men who refuse to wear their version of contraception insist on women taking a bunch of pills or undergoing a series of invasive procedures to prevent pregnancy? You’d think people who wanted nothing to do with unwanted pregnancies would, at least, try within their capacity to make sure none of that happens, but the reverse is constantly the case.
Men who blatantly refuse to wear condoms do so for a truckload of flimsy reasons. Some say they do it because condoms make them uncomfortable. Like, taking hormonal pills and procedures isn’t a form of discomfort on the woman’s part. Some say they refuse to wear it because it smells funny, or because skin-to-skin is the best form of sexual pleasure. “It’s not as natural with a condom on” or “condoms kill the vibe”. For that reason, some of them even go as far as ripping the latex mid-sex without the knowledge of their partner, claiming, “It just burst.” This, in turn, breaks down trust, respect, security, and communication, compelling the woman to take emergency pills or contraceptives which she had no prior plans for. However, what these men conveniently ignore is that their refusal to wear condoms isn’t just about needing sexual pleasure or avoiding discomfort. It’s about their objection to being accountable for the potential consequences of sex.
Photo: Pinterest
Women are told, indirectly and directly, that their bodies are built to carry the weight of their partner’s decisions, meanwhile, their health, choices, and all round freedom to experience sex with no fear or restriction is often compromised when a man declares his unwillingness to wear a condom. For example, since hormonal contraceptives are known not to be a hundred percent safe, women can still get pregnant despite a ton of implants or IUDs. When that happens and she decides she doesn’t want the baby, both the emotional trauma, physical, medical, and financial burden rest entirely at her feet. She’s the one who faces potential stigma from society and sometimes family. She’s the one who has to seek out medical care, and if there’s anybody who might die in the process, it’s her.
Most importantly, men tend to forget that even though hormonal contraception can prevent pregnancy, they do nothing in preventing sexually transmitted diseases, which is one of the primary reasons condoms were created in the first place. Therefore, unprotected sex puts both parties at high risk, and pretending otherwise isn’t just careless, it is hazardous.
To sum it up, for too long, women have been made to believe that their well-being is negotiable. That their bodies should endure, should be molded to preserve the fragile ego of men. It is time to start readjusting the narrative. Both men and women should stop viewing condoms as barriers to sexual pleasure, but as essential tools for collective protection and care.
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